theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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