Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
