There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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