Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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