So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
