saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
