She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
