Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
