I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can't special order awesome
i just sent this text using only my big toe
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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