I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
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