You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
