I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
