I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Everything about him screamed your future.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
