The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
