Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
