Porn is love you can see.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
