At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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