why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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