could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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