i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize