When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
