My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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