I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
