Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
