Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
