dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
