how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
