lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
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why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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