I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
