Apparently you make a good broom.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were trust falling into bushes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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