Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize