Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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