I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
