Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
