To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
