Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
