normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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