There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
