Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
