I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think my fart just growled at me.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
