Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This is classic penis vs brain.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
