...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
