omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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