2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
