i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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