I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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