Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
