I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
