listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
PANTIES FOUND
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