I wish my penis had an off switch
If that was your dad, he is hot
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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