I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
