i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
