he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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