3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
