There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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