A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bring money and cleavage
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
