Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
