he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
