I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
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They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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