matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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