you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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