We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
